What to Do When Your F*#king Kids Swear

Field Notes From Fatherhood

life-cycle-of-cursing-after-kids-article“Mommy, what does ‘I fuck your buttocks’ mean?”

My friends have a lovely little boy in an English-language preschool in Budapest, and this was what he’d learned in school that day (although presumably not as part of the official curriculum).

The little boy’s mom wrote to me for advice, apparently thinking that since I write about parenthood I actually know what I’m talking about. She writes: “What to do if your preschooler brings the F-word home from school?” I advised her to say this:

“Well, Davie, ‘fuck’ is a word probably of Germanic origin which signifies the sexual act, but also is frequently used as an intensifier, although in this case it would seem to be the former. ‘Buttocks’ is another term for your bottom, so when you say “I fuck your buttocks” what you’re saying is that you have sexual congress with my ass. Does that explain it for…

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