I’ve been missing you in my hiatus; it’s been a while since I’ve written you.
Now, I’m back in September, after August nights. I could see I always
fall in your arms. My longing to be with you hasn’t changed. I thought,
I could stop writing you, thinking I might end up a laughing stock or might
just be disturbing your sacred moments; but then, God sends me again
and again: if? I don’t know when I’d end up these letters, be in touch with
reality, but maybe, God allows in His mercy that I speak to you in scripts,
so arduous for me, because face to face, I can’t speak, but in gaze. So the
texts, better greet you and chants in spring! I feel mute, but just kissing
your hands, unless of work status: I’m available! Smiley icon blinking with
lights! Awesome clouds of white petals raining down, “I love you!”
Why can’t I just be normal adoring you? I thank you all, for that which
you have done to me, including all, who I don’t even see or touch hands.
I thank you when you fall to the ground praying earnestly for everyone.
I thank you for understanding my heart, that even I, couldn’t grasp,
but accept in faith that all things work out together for good for those who
love God and obey his laws. I thank you for all of these and for all those
I have missed. May God pardon me for trying to swerve paths or insistent
in attempts; know I trust only God’s ways. God holds our hearts and
only One Father of all, alone, understands and accepts everyone completely.
In the daily grind of life, we all struggle to live happily and fulfill our dreams,
such truth in the commandments, yet all of which we live, are encapsulated in
hearts for the Lord and how we make it easy and nicely for others; such core of service.
From time to time, I could not lie I seek you. I remember you in the Anima Christi,
in the Holy Eucharist; in the mysteries of light, of sorrow, of joy, of glory, in
the most holy hours! I remember you in all the rays of the sun, in every drizzle of
rainfall, in change of seasons, in turn of tides, in my every breath. I have locked you
in me – like angels that God sends to guide, in flowers of hope, in grace and charity.
Upon waking and sleeping, I see your stretched arms like Christ on the Cross. I miss you.
I miss you everyday. My love that has no end, and though unworthy, I have sworn for you.